I can’t count the number of times I have sat around conference room tables and heard professionals cite all the reasons that family engagement doesn’t work. Spoiler alert – roughly 99.999 percent of the time, the professionals blame the families for not showing up despite their “best” efforts. People are quick to say that families would be bored or would not understand. Sometimes there is a “sensitive” individual who likely intends to protect overburdened families and quickly states that since they already have so much going on we should not ask one more thing from them. In the nonprofit world, we often think we know what’s best for others. We can speculate where these pervasive attitudes came from (hint: white supremacy, white saviorism, othering people who have been marginalized) but we must do better!
In my former position, I had the good fortune of being part of a program that required us to hire “parent partners.” This was defined as people who had lived experience with both substance use disorder and the child welfare system. These individuals were going to be trained to provide peer support to others who were currently going through some of the same experiences. We were starting from scratch, and we had to create job descriptions, training programs, ongoing support systems, etc. to get this up and going. The resistance was mighty, and I witnessed lots of tears, anger, and hurt feelings in the beginning. Professionals were quick to mention confidentiality, boundaries, ethics, and legal histories as unsurmountable reasons why this would not work. The program worked and, in many aspects, exceeded expectations. Quickly it became common knowledge that the folks with lived experience were more successful at building rapport with “challenging” clients than many of the seasoned professionals. Slowly but surely, they gained respect and other professionals were turning to them for their expertise. In all my years of social services, nothing has impacted me more or provided me with more learning than working side by side with people with lived expertise.
Now that I am working for myself, I have had a chance to learn more about different frameworks and methodologies people are using around the world to better center those with lived experience in the work that is being done. There is a long overdue shift where professionals in social services are starting to think about working “with” people instead of working “for” others. Although this should be applauded it is essential that the work is done right and that it is not exploitive or otherwise harmful. You can’t just pop people into a conference room and call that co-design. Power dynamics and privilege must be considered every step of the way. If you do invite people with lived experience to your next board meeting and haven’t examined your current process and how hospitable that is for a newcomer that’s simply a recipe for disaster.
If recent events, including a worldwide pandemic, has taught us anything, it is that now is the time to rethink how we have been doing things and questioning the systems in place. Centering the people closest to an issue and elevating those with lived experience will be essential steps in making the world a better place. Although it is very exciting that more and more people are exploring how to incorporate this, please remember the progress will go at the speed of connection. If you do not have time to prioritize relationships, you do not have time to do co-design. That said, if you slow down enough to establish those genuine relationships the results will be greater than you can imagine.